I don’t want to be in charge. Not sure why, but that sounds a little weird to me. Maybe it sounds weirder to people who know me, know me as a control freak who must have things just so, or the person who seems to know what’s going on. Not sure how that second one happened, but I’ve been told as much.
No, I don’t want to be in charge. I don’t want to have people reporting to me. I don’t even want minions, capering and gamboling like lambs, bowing and scraping like subservient barely-humans should. Don’t get me wrong – that could be fun for a little while, but it would get old. They’d expect me to tell them what to do, and despite my predilection for having things just so, I don’t like having to tell people what to do. I like to trust they have their own minds, and are capable of their own thoughts.
Call it a personality thing, if you wish. Personalities have fascinated me since I was a child. I took my first personality test when I was about 12. Well, I may have done one before then and just didn’t remember. There’s a lot of my youth I don’t remember, but that’s an entirely different story, and one I will not be going into in this blog. But the first personality test I remember was the Luscher Color Test. It’s a test that basically says it can determine your guiding personality based on the colors you prefer. And it does – if you recognize the colors provided. I took it because it interested me, one, and because I wanted to prove its validity, two. Yeah, I was proving validity. Sure, I had only my mother’s psychology books to go by – there was no internet back then. Okay, there actually was, and by then I had either been on it, or was close to being on it, once, but it wasn’t readily accessible. The whole “world wide web” thing hadn’t had a GUI slapped on it making it pretty and user-friendly.So for all intents and purposes, the internet as we know it didn’t exist.
Right, so the Color Test. I had a problem with the colors. To my eye, the purple was violet, almost pink, and the red was red-orange, more orange than red. Neither was particularly attractive, even though those are two of my preferred colors. A look through my wardrobe will tell you that. So the results were skewed for me, because of the subjectivity of what “Red” really is.
My fascination with personality tests, though, despite the rough start, was born.
As the years went by, I dabbled here and there, but I didn’t really do much with the tests. Once I knew what the colors on the little cards provided in the book were supposed to be, the test was far more accurate. At least, to me, it seemed more accurate. Not sure how accurately one can judge oneself. I was determined to try, though. I started to bring other people into my experiments. The next one? Astrology!
Look, astrology is a math. I don’t know that I would go so far as to say it’s a science, but it’s definitely a math. And I think it is a social science at the least, which is one of the more nebulous sciences. I say that because I spent a good 20 years trying to prove it was a joke, worthless and useless. I still haven’t decided. Oh, the stuff you read in the newspaper, that’s a joke. It’s either just made up on the spot, or it’s so general that it could apply to anyone. That, in fact, was what I was trying to prove, that it could apply to anyone. And as I mentioned, at a certain level that’s true.
But once you start really getting into it, with all the good information that you can find, like birth times and locations, not just dates, it gets a little more…freaky. Having a scientific mind, I did charts for other people. For people I didn’t know that well, and those I knew intimately (though platonically). I wanted to try and get a feel for the true accuracy. I started with people I knew, just to get a feel for what the chart was supposed to say. I ended with people I barely knew, just to prove validity. My readings were general in some ways, but very specific in others. I’m not yet willing to admit that some ball of gas billions of miles away has anything to do with a personality, but based on my own research, it seems there’s some correlation. That actually kind of disturbs me. I do consider astrology a real pursuit, not just something for flim flam artists to take money from gullible pigeons. But I don’t like that something so illogical has any degree of accuracy.
Oh, and yes, I have drawn charts from scratch. Now I use the internet. Much easier. It’s like baking – I’ve made pie crusts from scratch; now that I have that experience, I buy frozen crusts from the grocery store. They’re just as good, and nowhere near as messy.
My foray into personality didn’t stop there, though, not by any means. Once the internet started really picking up, I discovered the Myers-Briggs test. Well, it began with some thoughts by the noted psychologist Carl Jung, and grew from there. The original, official test is no longer available free online, but there are plenty of knockoffs that are actually accurate. There are others that are as about as valid as the newspaper astrology column, but there are some accurate tests out there. Basically, there are sixteen general personalities, and all of humanity fits within that grid. Some people, Sensors, usually, get really upset that they’ve been made into an acronym. Well, part of that is because some people only look at the letters, and don’t bother noting that there’s a real human being attached to them. They use it as a be-all, end-all, instead of a guide to understanding differences. I try to use it as a guide, myself.
Curious? I’m an INTP. I have had it validated in an official class, with an official instructor. It’s pretty accurate. For instance, it shows that I don’t want to be in charge. Not of other people, anyway. Of myself, yes. But of others? No. Not really. I would definitely be a terrible micro manager, in every sense of the word. Not only would I hate doing it, but I’d be too good at it, too persistent. Once I start managing your every move, I would be able to find every little thing you’re doing wrong. Next thing you know, you’re planning my murder and how to get away with it. No, I don’t want to be in charge.
See that? See how it all tied together? Yeah. Didn’t think it would, did you?
I’m transitioning. I haven’t decided where to host my blog, yet. For the cool stuff, this one costs money, and I’m cheap. For my old blogs, please visit my Blogger site.