The end is nigh. The year ends in less than 2 hours, and I’m exhausted. I haven’t felt well for days. I was grateful for my short commute, because I might have dozed off at a stop light if I had to drive any further. I did doze off at work several times today, sitting at my desk, typing. Even caught myself starting to snore once.
I’d love to know why I’m so tired, but I think that’s going to remain a mystery for a little while longer. There’s no fever, and my throat is raw only in the morning, which pretty common for me in the winter. I know part of it is my mood. This time of year, this season, is hard for me. Always has been. The lack of sunlight affects me more than it affects the average person, it seems. I kept meaning to try and buy a plant light – a full-spectrum bulb. It helped so much years ago when I used it in the morning, I figured it would help again. I didn’t really need it in Colorado. Three hundred days of sunlight, AND it’s in the proper time zone (seems to me we should be in Central, here), so even though it’s almost the same latitude, I rarely had a huge issue with the lack of sunlight.
So…as I said, I will finish the WeVerb project. It has been interesting. It’s been difficult at times, but it’s definitely been interesting. Sorry, these last few questions are a bit more personal or more difficult to answer with any sort of length. For some, it’s because my memory has always been a bit like a steel sieve. I can thank some lovely bits of my past for that. For others, it’s because the answers are too personal to share here. For still others, I can’t pick just one, or even two, events/things/situations that answer the question.
I hope 2013 is better than you expect. There will be low times. There will be high times. Maybe you learn from the low, and celebrate the high, hmm?
21: read [LIVE]: Did you read a book this year that left you craving more when it was over?
Yes, I read several. Some for the 2nd or 3rd time.
22: recharge [CREATE]: What did you do to recharge your batteries in 2012?
Go out with my camera and shoot. Go to the library and find new books to read. Read the stories on Cracked.com. Entertaining AND educational. No, seriously, you can actually learn stuff from that site. Just like The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, you laugh, but you learn. Then maybe you research, and separate the fact from the fiction.
23: communicate [LISTEN] Describe a conversation that you had this year. Why was it memorable?
No. That conversation was very personal. It was very important, and it was moderated, and it was necessary. There’s another conversation I had fairly recently that I can’t talk about either. It was also very important, but it made me so happy. I still smile.
24: delight [HOPE]: How can you bring more joy into your life in 2013?
I don’t know, yet. Right now, I’m working on just being able to function.
25: give [CREATE]: What was the best gift you gave someone this year?
You’d have to ask them. I have gifts that I was happy to give, but the decision of whether it was the best gift I gave, well, that’s up to the receiver.
26: chronicle [LIVE]: Did you have a perfect day this year? Describe it. Would you have changed anything about it?
Hmm. No. I had some pretty spectacular ones, though. Like my birthday. Well, not my actual birthday, that was pretty nondescript. But the party I had for my birthday, that was very cool. People I hadn’t seen in years – in decades – came to celebrate with me. Plus, it was very important – I turned 42. No, I’m not ashamed of my age. I have learned lots of stuff, and because I’m not 22, people take me a bit more seriously.
27: sacrifice [GROW]: What did you, as an individual, let go of to further the greater good this year?
I had a bit of bitterness and anger of my own I had to let go. It was serving no purpose, other than dividing me from people who do care, even if they don’t always show it the way I’d like. I had to recognize that people are individuals. Just because someone doesn’t respond the way I do, or I’d like (because I don’t often respond the way I’d like, either), that doesn’t mean they don’t care. That doesn’t mean they don’t love. Oh, the feeling of peace that washed over me…it was bliss.
28: empower [HOPE]: What made you feel powerful in 2012?
Nothing I can think of. I have some tools that can grant me some power, but I’ve been essentially powerless for so long, it’s hard to use them. For instance – there’s a lot of power when you’re holding a camera. There really is, you’d be surprised. But I haven’t used it yet. Maybe a little, at Balluminaria, when I lingered a bit longer than I was supposed to. But that’s about it.
29: connect [LIVE]: With whom did you make the most worthwhile connections in 2012?
How could I possibly pick one? I’ve made several worthwhile connections, and reconnections, each with its own merit. None stick out more than others, really. It’s not often I make significant connections in my life. I’m a bit of an introvert, and when I’m on a downward cycle, I’m a homebody, too.
30: capture [LISTEN]: Post a picture taken of you or by you this year when you were happy.
There are pictures of me when I’m happy. I love the memories if not the pictures. There are pictures I took when I was at peace, and pictures that give me peace when I look at them. I suppose if I had to choose, though, it would be one of my magnolia shots from this March. They bloomed early this year, because of the mild winter. A winter that has been starting later, ending sooner, and being warmer than it is supposed to for several years, now.
31: aspire [GROW]: What is your biggest aspiration for 2013?
That’s easy – I aspire to do more than just “function.”