I am angry. I’ve been angry for most of the week. I have things going on in my work and personal lives that I cannot control, and it’s making me angry. But I don’t want to write a rant about the complete lack of support from my boss’s boss, about how they believe in the stick, not the carrot, about the complete lie that is Six Sigma. That’s the one that’s at the forefront of my mind. I’m tired. I’m tired of all of it. But, I need an income, and there still aren’t a whole lot of jobs out there. After five years without permanent employment, I’m stuck. So be it.
It’s my mother’s birthday. She would have been 72. She wasn’t the best mother in the world, but I know one thing for sure – she did love me and my brother. I’ve seen some recent examples of what a truly horrible parent, one who should not have children, looks like. Mind you, she made some HUGE mistakes, things that require years of therapy to deal with, but yeah, I’ve seen worse.
I could remember all the awful things that happened. Well, actually, no, I can’t. Bit of traumatic amnesia. Not because of her, actually, other, unrelated, people, mostly. But I do remember a few things. Good things, mostly. The times we went sledding, and she showed us how to soap up the runners on our sleds so they’d go faster. Then we’d go out for hot chocolate, and if we could find a sufficiently-icy, empty parking lot, maybe spend a little time doing doughnuts. She never taught me how to do that, although I asked. More than once. She did teach me how to handle driving in snow and ice, and that saved my butt more than once. Not last year – we didn’t really have a winter last year – but in the years I was in Colorado, there were a few times that, but for her instruction, I’d have had an accident. Possibly severe.
She was adorable, wasn’t she? She had that dress for years. I wish I knew what happened to it. Little blue thing with red cherries over her heart. Bit of a mess, my family. But that’s for a professional to sort out.
This past weekend, it snowed. Nothing like the epic weather out east this weekend (Tracking Nemo – gotta say that with the stentorian echo), but enough to enjoy. Enough to compensate for the whole “cold” thing, anyway. It was pretty. And because it was warmer, the roads weren’t so bad. There were accidents, shortly after the snow started, causing some slick roads and limited visibility. Nothing like the huge, fatal, accident resulting from a snow squall just two weeks before, but a few bumps and scrapes. Enough that the police were no longer responding if there weren’t injuries.
There was enough to sled in, though.
I took my camera to a local park, to try and recapture a shot I took some years ago with a different camera. I wanted something larger that would make a good print. I couldn’t get that shot; there were people in the space I was trying to shoot. But I got another treat, instead.
I didn’t expect sledders at that park. It just never crossed my mind. Perhaps because I don’t have a sled anymore, and spending hours out in the cold is no longer appealing (I was there for maybe half an hour). Perhaps because when I was a kid, we had another place where we sledded, with a bigger hill, and a small ravine at the bottom. If you got going fast enough, you landed in the creek. I never made it to the creek – I was too small to build up that kind of momentum. But, with the soap on my runners, I did move pretty quickly.
There weren’t many, but there were enough that they had to be careful of one another. No real sleds, just a few saucers and a toboggan or two, but they were having fun. The pair up there, that was my favorite. I came up on them just as he was sending his little girl down the hill, shooting video the whole way. He was more excited than she was, it seemed. And she was pretty excited. The last run, they went down together…daddy shooting video the whole way. At the bottom of the hill, they watched, together. Yeah, I got a couple shots of them doing that, too. It was a good time. Then they left, and I was losing feeling in my fingers, so I left.
I’m still angry, but I’m a little more calm. I do have to work today, because we haven’t met our goal for the week. Not that I can contact anyone or get anything from them, because it’s Saturday, but whatever. At least I can work from home. Don’t have to get dressed. I’m going to try and focus on that afternoon in the park, the Daddy-Daughter day of sledding. Maybe that will keep me from grinding my teeth while I work.
Happy birthday, mom. I miss you.